Friday, June 15, 2012

Outside Expectations

What to do when expectations from the outside aren't met?  I don't know.  

I know that I put a lot of condemnation on myself... but that's not the answer.

I hide in my house up on the hill and don't speak to anyone about the things my boys struggle with so I am not judged...but that's not the answer.

I tell my kids unfriend any adult they have on facebook so no one can judge them...but that's not the answer.

I try to change what we expect from them to match the unrealistic expectations of those that "aren't there yet" in their parenting...but that really isn't the answer.

So I've tried several things and nothing works, but it sure wears me out.  What has worked for me is to let my  boys know what we expect of them.  How we expect them to act.  What are moral beliefs are.  And as hard as it is, ignore what those on the outside think or say.  The Holy Spirit speaks to us too, we aren't floating in an abyss blindly.  I may sound a little bitter and maybe I am.  But it is hard to receive advice from someone who doesn't even have teens and thinks they will do it better.  There comes a point when our kids have to make decisions for themselves in order to mature.  And yes, sometimes they will make really bad choices.  Sometimes they don't think through what the outcome will be because they see it is as something .    That is just part of maturing.

One are we struggle with is letting our boys have girlfriends.  Maybe I should rephrase that...our boys decided they wanted to have girlfriends instead of the whole courting thing.  At first I was worried to death because of the backlash.  Yes, they hold hands.  Yes, they kiss their girlfriends.  Yes, they go places alone.  That doesn't mean they are having sex.  Just because I did it when I was young doesn't mean they will.  They have more information. They are healthy young men and they know how behave themselves.  Will they slip up?  I don't know but I am not going to stop them from dating.

I have heard the argument that dating and breaking up makes getting a divorce easier.  I disagree with that.  I had several boyfriends and I still had to endure a divorce and it wasn't easy at all.  I did everything I could to keep that marriage together.  So dating did not harden my heart to the emotions of others.  (And if you are wondering, I am the one that filed for divorce, so I did the breaking up.)

Anyway, sorry to be on my soapbox for so long.  I just think that we need to be sensitive to the parenting of others.  Not everyone is going to do things the way we do.  Even people that run in our same circles.  God didn't create us to do things the same way, that would be pretty boring.  Each person has their own purpose and it takes different things to get them there.  We need to not worry about what others say and think about our parenting as long as we are putting it in God's very capable hands to let us know where we need to change.  If our kids mess up and mess up royally, it isn't always because we were bad parents.  They have a free will just like us.  They aren't perfect, just like us.  So if my boys do something that you don't agree with, please don't judge my parenting and don't judge them.  They are trying to make it in this ugly world just like the rest of us.

Until next time, stay blessed.

Check out what these gals have to say about relationships.

Audrey blogs at Everything Beautiful

My Photo
Charli blogs at WV Urban Hippie

My Photo
Kathleen blogs at Positive Adoption  

Amerey blogs at Grace So Beautiful 


  1. I understand. I get parenting advice from people who aren't even parents, and never had the experience of being responsible for little kids for long. It is frustrating. Show me a mom who's been in my shoes, that is probably who I will listen to. And maybe I won't. Because what works for her family may not work the same with mine. And that is ok because we are all different, and like you said, what fun would it be if we weren't? I commend you on your parenting. I think you do great. And you are have great boys. Don't let other's expectations get you listen to God and your husband....that is the only expectation you need to hold up to. :)