It's Been a While!!!!

I can't believe it's been so long since I last put my random thoughts on here.  Where has the time gone? Where I have gone?  What's the deal?

I could say that I have been busy but that really isn't true.  I haven't been doing anything any different, until recently, than before.  If any thing, I have had more time.

I would love to say I have been traveling the world and places were so remote sometimes that I didn't have internet and I was teaching the natives about God and just couldn't let anyone know where I was because it was top secret.  But that would be a really big lie...I've never even been on a plane, other than those little flights they give kids for free, when I was a kid.  And that one time I was in my uncle's little plane.  (That doesn't count).

So the deal is...I have been lazy in my writing.  I have spent all this time listening to Satan tell me that what I have to say isn't important.  That when I am open about my struggles I get myself in trouble because people don't want to hear all that and when they do they look at me different because no Christian would ever act the way I do.  But you know what?  The only way that people know what God can do in the middle of some trying times, of times when I fly of the handle and cause all sorts of problems for myself, is for me to be transparent and let you know that I am only human and learning until my race is over and I am looking Jesus in the face.

This has been a time of learning to forgive myself and move on from mistakes and to forgive others without holding a grudge.  Let God take care of the problem.  Yes, there may be consequences but God's grace is sufficient.

Until next time, stay blessed!

Rebuilding Burnt Bridges

Plank by plank we build but it only takes one flame to burn the whole thing down.

You know what I mean.  We spend time investing in others.  Have lunch and babysitting each others children.  Spilling our life out to them when we are hurting.  Trusting each other.  Praying together.  Then Satan steps in while we're not watching.  He plants little embers of pain and lies.  You know what they are, you've seen them, heard them.  Then one day or one minute, he lays the tender on those embers and a fire begins.  A bridge burns.  Words are said, or not.  Pain is sewn and reeped.  Maybe we are justified in our anger or hurt but does that make it right.  What happened to "turn the other cheek" and "forgive 70 x 7"?  It seems we only pull those scriptures out when dealing with unbelievers.  But what about our brothers and sisters in Christ.  Don't they deserve the same grace and mercy...and forgiveness.

How can we be effective for God with all the bridges to and from us burnt.  We can't function as an island with no way in and no way out.

I can recall every time I've lost it and burnt a bridge and I can recall every silent burning.

This past week I lost it.  And the sad thing is, I lost it on a nonbeliever.  Did it feel good at the moment?  Yes.  I was tired of my family constantly being attacked.  Was it justified?  Maybe.  I apologized but my witness to them may have been damaged.  I know that God can still fix it but...

Sunday a family walked into our church that used to be great friends.  She was the first person I met when I moved to Fairmont and she knew every ugly thing about me and never judged me.  She prayed with me on so many occasions I can't even count.  Something happened (won't go into detail) and we haven't spoke for probably 5 years.  When she walked in Sunday God brought all of this post to my attention.  I want to mend that bridge and with God's help, I will.  Because it is true we live in a double standard world but it goes both ways.  I'm tired of pointing the finger.  I am ready to step up and take responsibility.

Are there bridges that need rebuilt in your life?  No, it won't be easy because we have to lay down our pride and admit that we might have been wrong.  But with God's help, all things are possible.

Until next time, stay blessed.

A Red Sea Moment

I don't know why but I feel like I need to post this, so  here it goes...

I was watching the Bible program on the History Channel and the part was coming when Moses parted the Red Sea.  First of all, that is one of my favorite parts to that story.  And I was getting worked up and ready and excited and nervous and scared and really full of emotion.  I know, pretty weird right, I know how the story goes and why would it be any different this time.  God parts the Red Sea!  I looked at Scott and said God has parted many Red Seas for me and there are so many more to part.

Maybe it is the fear of what is ahead.  The "safety" of the slavery behind.  Not knowing if God is going to come through the next time and I drown.  What if the walls of water cave in on me while I'm in the middle of it all.

But every time I hear the story, God parts the Sea.  Every time He leads them safely to the other side, every time.  The story is the same, every time...

Do I want to remain a slave or walk in faith across that vast sea?  I guess I need to plant my staff and go!  Wanna come with me?  I am ready for that Promised Land!

Until next time, stay blessed.

Let that Burden Go!

 Have you ever been so burdened about something that it literally consumed your every thought?  When you went to bed at night, you still couldn't find peace, because you would actually dream about it?  You couldn't interact properly with others because you were distracted by the thoughts that kept moving through your mind?  

I am recovering from that exact thing right now.  Since early fall I have been so overwhelmed with something that slowly it has come to that place mentioned above.  I'm not sure that anyone would have noticed because it crept up on me so slowly.

I prayed that God would fix the situation.  That he would change the person.  Guide them in the right direction.  Then walk away and worry myself sick because I didn't see any change.  Or maybe I would see some change but only to be knocked back down by something else or someone else about the situation.

Isn't it funny, how even if you've been saved for a really long time how the enemy can creep in and have you just where he wants you.

I quit praying about it because that person wasn't changing so I figured it was a waste of my time...Right where he (the enemy wanted me.)  PRAYING IS NEVER A WASTE OF TIME!!!

Of course, I wouldn't talk to anyone about it because it was my fault anyway, right.  If I would have done things differently then this wouldn't even be an issue.  Everything would be perfect, just like everyone else's life.  Another great place for the enemy to attack.  WE NEED EACH OTHER!!!

I decided Saturday evening that the only way to clear my mind and have peace, even it was for just an hour, was to drink a really big glass of wine.  I know better than to run to alcohol for that.  I was at a place that I felt God wasn't enough anymore.  The perfect place for the enemy.  GOD IS ALWAYS ENOUGH, MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!

I didn't want to go church the next morning.  Why go when I am just going through the motions anyway.  It's a waste of time.  God obviously wasn't going to take care of this problem and it is so overwhelming to me that I would rather just sleep a little longer.  But because I wasn't telling anybody, not even Scott, I had to get up and put on my smile and head out the door.

God had a plan.  

I was going through the motions during praise and worship and then suddenly I felt the need to go down front and lay something down.  Pride doesn't like it when you need to go down front without and alter call and I really didn't even know how to pray at this point.

God had a plan.

Behind me sat one of my best friends who also has a gift of discernment like I've never witnessed before.  I asked her to come and pray with me.  For two reasons.  I was fighting a battle inside that I wasn't going to win on my own and I didn't want to be alone down there in front of everyone.

God had a plan.

After what seemed forever and some crying like I haven't done in a very long time and some spiritual warfare, it lifted.  It was the sweetest, most overwhelming sense of peace that can only come from God.  He read my heart and I knew He was speaking to me because even she didn't know what was going on but her prayer was exact and right on, even saying things that I had only said to myself earlier that morning.

God had a plan.

Turns out it was me who needed to change.  No, the situation hasn't changed by my approach has.  Now maybe God can work since I am out of the way.

Tuesday morning I woke up with verse on my mind.

  

Matthew 11:28-30

 28“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. 30“For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

I have to keep praying those thoughts away.  Sometimes more than a couple times a day.  But I keep giving those back and filling them with this verse.  They will stop coming up eventually because I refuse to let Satan have that area again.  We carry these burdens that we weren't meant to carry.  They belong at the foot of the Cross.  We need prayer, and each other and most importantly, we need God.  

Is there something that you need to lay down today?  Is there something that you need to let go and let God?  Pray and let it go.  

Until next time, stay blessed.

Practice Rehearsing Victories

I have a long story to tell, but bear with me, I have a good point in the end.

I haven't been driving on the interstate for very many years, 18 years to be exact.  Where I grew up there wasn't a close interstate and really there wasn't any traffic, it was a one stop light town.  (I love it, by the way).  Anyway, since having kids, driving has become one my worst things.  Not that I'm a bad driver, but I just panic over everything, I mean, EVERYTHING!

One day, about 5 or so years ago, we (our home school co-op) took a trip to Pittsburgh, PA.  I was okay with this trip, it was the first time I drove to Pittsburgh but I had printed off the directions from map quest and was pretty confident that it would be a fine trip.  We stopped at a rest stop before we got into town and one of the lead drivers had asked if everyone was fine and talked about the tunnels and on on... I had told him that the tunnels were closed for construction, he didn't know that and wasn't confident in getting into town the other way, so I had to forfeit my directions, my lifeline, my only way in and out.

So, panic sets in.  Once I get there I find some friends who say they are leaving well before rush hour to avoid the traffic, so I tell them to not leave without me.  In the meantime, I am in the beginning stages of a full blown panic attack.  I didn't know what was  happening, this has never happened before.  I am losing my mind.  Luckily, one of my friends suffered from them several times and informed me that I was indeed having a panic attack, which didn't really help the situation, because now, how am I going to get home.  And we left right at 5:00!  I forgot about any past victories that God had pulled me through.  I was just focused on the fear...

I did make it home.  It took several months for me to be able to be in the car without having some form of anxiety.

Flashback....(Before Pittsburgh trip)
I drove to Dover, Delaware.  I followed my brother up so I wasn't worried about how to get there, but I had to come home, without written directions.  Guess what, I prayed before I left his house.  My prayer went something like this...God, you have parted the Red Sea a few times and I need you to part this Red Sea for me.  I know you can do it and I am going to believe that I make it home without any problems.  That means the traffic will be low and I will know exactly where I need to be.  Jesus name, Amen.  I made it, exactly as I had asked!

There were a couple of other times that the same exact thing had happened.  And you know what, God answered my prayer exactly as I had asked.  He cares about these things, the things that really get us worked up.  He wants us to give them to Him and in the meantime, our faith is built.

Present day...
I was sick and tired of being afraid to travel north on I79.  I'm not sure why the residue of that Pittsburgh trip still lingered, but even going to Morgantown was a big issue.  A few weeks ago, my sister-in-law was in from Texas to help with my father-in-law, who had knee replacement surgery, and she needed a ride back to the airport in Pittsburgh.  Scott and I picked her up and we were going to take her back.  Guess what?  I volunteered to take her myself.  That's right, not a passenger, but the driver.  What was I thinking?  So, the night before God reminded me that David rehearsed his victories.  I envision David having a box of some sort with souvenirs from various battles.  The jaw bones from the animals he killed, you know, all the fun stuff.  And before he went into a battle that God wanted fought, he sat down and opened that box and remembered all the things that God had brought him through.  So I opened up that box in my memory of the interstate battles, fought and won, with God's help and I kept rehearsing those victories in my mind and in my heart.  My prayer that day went something like this...Okay God, it's me again.  We've been down this road before and I know that you have brought me through, but I need you to part this Red Sea for me once again.  Could you make the traffic light?  Could you make it so there are no vehicles when I need to merge into traffic?  Could you give me the wisdom to make quick decisions when I need to do so?  Jesus name, amen.
I got in my Jeep and drove to Pittsburgh!  No anxiety!  And everything I asked for God granted.  Another victory to be rehearsed in the future and my faith built.

I want to keep those victories in my memory box and open them regularly, not forgetting who holds my world in His hands.  Do you realize how amazing that is?

Thanks for listening reading.

Until next time, stay blessed.

Exposing a Lie

I have been in this funk for a while now.  I didn't know I was in it until just recently though.

I think it started about nine months ago.  No, I'm not pregnant.  I realized that my oldest was graduating and there were SOOO many things that I felt I needed to cover with school to prepare him for that, plus figure out how to school the other two and take care of all my other duties as a wife and mom.  I guess I was a little overwhelmed.  I usually live a very low stress life with a very empty calendar.  I'm not complaining about that but when all of the sudden your life is jammed packed full emotionally and physically and your not used to it, there could be a problem if it isn't handled properly.  And I obviously haven't handled it properly.

Phil. 4:6  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

I haven't been applying this principle at all.  Yes, I think I can honestly say that.  I would pray for a friend if they asked and I would pray for the requests floating down the prayer chain but as far as anything else, nada, nothing, zilch.  Pretty scary, right.  I should know better, I do know better.  I don't have a good excuse, just the typical ones...

I was busy doing...
Everything is going okay, so....
Why would God care about this mess, after all it is my fault I'm in it anyway.

So how did I realize I was in a funk when I wasn't really close enough to God to hear the Holy Spirit whisper it to me?  I don't really have an answer to that question.  I know that I started spring cleaning and when that happens the kids seem to scatter and stay very quiet.  Almost as if they don't want me to remember that they are here.  So I have a lot of quiet time doing mindless things.  I guess that gives me time to evaluate my life.

It's amazing how when you aren't in the Word and you aren't conversing with God how bad your attitude gets.  I mean REALLY stinkin' bad!

Matthew 7:1-4  "Do not judge lest you be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.  And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye?"

That was me!  Being critical and judgemental and all those other things that a christian should not be.  A little scary, but also true to anyone who isn't constantly in companionship with God.

Funny how when you recognize the lie and repent for believing it, how things start to change.  Relationships are healed.  Motivation is restored.  Dreams start to become more of a reality.  Confidence of who you are in Christ is lived out.

What is the lie?  It could be different things to different people.  For me right now, it was all those excuses listed above and some more.  I was exactly where the enemy wanted me to be and he was having a hay day with me.  So right now I am back on the right path of falling in love with Jesus again and learning more about how much He loves me and cares about even the little details of my life.  And that no matter what, nothing can separate me from His love.

Until next time, hope all have a blessed day.

Things about Me...

I've been tagged by Charli Utt


The Rules Are:
1. You must post the rules. (DID IT)
2. List eleven things about yourself. (Finished)
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in the post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people that you have tagged. (Got it)
4. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post. (Skipped)
5. Let them know you've tagged them.

Eleven things about me....
1. Scott and I were set up on date by his mother.

2. I love having 3 boys. Wouldn't want to share my throne with a princess.
3. I always thought people who homeschooled were really weird. The "tree hugger" type.
4. I grew up in snow country but hate to drive in the snow.
5. I used to run away from home on a regular basis. I only went to my great-grandmothers house (100 yards away) to get cookies. But I always left those "nobody loves me" notes behind for my family to read.
6. I now understand why my mom never allowed pets in the house.
7. I would rather stay home with my family than run around all the time.
8. I always knew I would be "just a housewife".
9. I still love playing in the creek.
10. I homeschool my kids.
11. I can easily become addicted to video games, especially The Sims.


Now the hard part - eleven questions.

1.  Where were you born?
I was born in Elkins, WV.
2.  What's your favorite food?
My favorite food is spaghetti and meatballs.  I always got a special spot in our garden growing up to "plant" all the ingredients needed for my special dish also.  Funny, nothing ever grew there but weeds.
3.  What one farm animal would you raise, if you could?
If I could raise any farm animal it would a miniature donkey, and I know they are pretty useless, but soooo cute.
4.   What would your "Priceless" Mastercard commercial be?
Gorgeous new bathing suit...$45, Suntan oil...$5, Feeling comfortable in my own skin...priceless.
5.  What would surprise me about you?
I am very critical of myself and I don't know how to receive compliments.
6.  What was your first car?
My first car was a maroon and silver Chevy Citation.  It would stall at the one and only stop light in town, but only on rainy days.
7.  What did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be a wife and teacher.
8.  What blog or website do you visit the most?
Facebook and pinterest, of course.
9.  Have you ever left the country?
No, I have left the country.
10.  What is your favorite local Mom & Pop shop or restuarant?
My favorite local Mom & Pop place would be Apple Annies in Point Marion, PA.  Or, since that really isn't local, Dairy Creme Corner.
11.  What makes you smile?
When my boys make good choices and later tell me that it is because they prayed about it.  It isn't so much the choice as it is the fact that they prayed about it.

Looking Back

I was thinking about my life today so I thought I would share it with you...

When I was a little girl I loved running through the cow fields, hiking the woods, playing in the creek and swimming in the river.  I also loved playing with my baby dolls and playing like I was a mom and of course I was married to our neighbor boy because we all played together.  I would play school almost daily with my stuffed animals and of course my younger brother.  They were the smartest in the land as far as I was concerned.  I even had a chalk board and would ask the teacher at the end of the school year for all the left over worksheets.  (I know, what a nerd).  I loved being a kid!

It was a hard transition from being a kid to being a teen.  I still had an active imagination, but "playing" with toys wasn't cool anymore.  So, I just let my mind go when I was alone.  I would daydream of being married and having two kids, a boy and a girl.  I would live in a cute little house and have the perfect life.  Of course, what is the perfect life? 

Then high school came and the boyfriends and the breakups and the friendship changes.  You get lost when all of this happening and all the decisions you are being forced to make about your future and what is your career going to be and so on...

You would have thought that because all I did growing up was play school and play house that I would either be a teacher or a housewife, but....I chose to go to college and pursue a degree in Accounting.  After all, that's where the money is.  I planned on having one child because I really didn't think I would have time for more than that and after all it would grow up in daycare anyway.  I was going to pass my CPA exam and be rolling in the cash.  I didn't even need a man to take of me because I was going to be independent. 

I got my degree in the middle of a divorce and I had a child and got remarried in a 5 year period.  Wow, what a whirlwind that was.  Actually, more like a tornado!  Would I change it? NO.  I have learned so much about life and love and have grown so much spiritually through all of it. 

So what am I doing now?  I am a homeschooling mom of three boys.  I still have a very active imagination, just ask my friends.  I told them the other day that I always wanted to lead a double life.  A homeschooling mom by day an under cover agent for some exclusive government agency by night.  Yes, I know, I'm almost 40 years old, I should grow up, but what's the fun in that.  Back to the subject...I am a housewife.  I am doing all the things that God was preparing me to do when I was a little girl.  I didn't take my CPA exam and I am not rolling the cash, but I love my life.  I still love hiking the woods and playing in the creek.

 I guess God knew what He was doing after all. 

Until next time, have a great one.

I'm Not Going to Hell Because I Buy White Bread

I am learning the difference between condemnation and conviction in this particular area in my life.  You know the one where every one buys organic food, grinds their own wheat, bakes their own bread from scratch, hangs their clothes on the line, makes their own...everything.  Maybe I'm the only one who struggles here but I am going to get on my soap box for a minute anyway.  I am tired of feeling condemnation because I don't do those things.  I still buy white bread because my kids like it and they are the ones who eat most of the bread.  I dry my clothes in the dryer because I don't want to hang them out.  I don't like the way they feel when air dried.  I still fix chicken nuggets and french fries for dinner some nights and eat a bowl of ice cream right before bed.  I tried making my own laundry soap and even my own dishwasher liquid.  I didn't like it.  Not because it took time to make but just because I didn't like the way it worked.  My whole point to myself is this:  It's okay.  The world is not going to end because of these choices and I'm not going hell because of it either.  I am not convicted to do these things and if you aren't either then just stop and allow yourself to be you.  There's nothing wrong with you or the way you run house.  If it works then don't fix it.  Don't waste money on things just because someone made you feel like it was"thus saith the Lord".  If you're not sure then look it up yourself.  Don't rely on someone else's teaching.

Okay, now that I have that off my chest...

Can't wait for the kitchen swap we are having Monday.  I have so much stuff to get rid of and it is so freeing to have an organized kitchen.  I found things that I forgot I even had.

Have a great week!

Watch Out for Burglars

I've been thinking about the verse from John 10:10  "The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy;  I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly".

Have you ever been robbed?  I haven't had my house broken into but I have had credit card information stolen and it was extremely traumatizing to me.  It took months before I felt "safe".  It seemed like at the time, every time I would turn around I would be getting another phone call from our credit card company asking if we had made this purchase or that one.  I would dread the phone ringing.

Why don't we feel like that when we allow our time to be stolen or our relationships or our peace, what about joy.  Sometimes these things can be taken away because of good things, like service projects or church or fellowship.  We can even steal them from ourselves.  I know that I can often steal my own joy by talking to myself about all of my shortcomings.  I guess you say I have a good ole fashion pity party.  I won't operate in the gifts that God has given me because I feel like someone might make fun of me or that I won't do something right and fail.  Maybe someone is better than me so why even bother.  Those are my pity parties, sounds fun doesn't it.  Of course pity parties take time and they can destroy relationships if we stay in them too long.

Well Jesus said himself that He came so that I might have life and  have it abundantly so I am going to try to have that abundant life and quit with pity parties and stealing from myself and I am going to quit letting the thief steal from me.  I am setting up an alarm system (the blood of Jesus) and will let that be my covering and I will read the manual for the system (the Bible) and I will be in constant communication with the service department (prayer). 

On a different note, our co-op met again this week and discussed couponing again.  One of the women brought up the ap for iphone and ipod called shopshop.  It is free and if you have one of those devices download it.  It is awesome and really easy to use.  Next week I think we are going to exchange crockpot recipes and ideas.  I would say that we will probably talk about couponing every week because it is so much fun to sit and look at sale papers together and get a good idea of what good prices are.

 Have a great week!

Building My House

Proverbs 14:1  The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.

I'm not literally building a house.  But when I read this verse I think of the house I am building in my home.  Am I building good relationships with my kids?   Am am mothering them the way God says?  Am I tearing them down with words and actions?  Am I taking care of my husband the way the Bible tells me too?  Am I destroying him by not doing the things that I am supposed to be doing but following my own agenda instead?  What about my spiritual house?  Am I speaking negative things about myself all time and not allowing God to use me because of my own insecurities?  Am I praying and spending time in the word and relying on Sunday church services to get me through? 

Yesterday I started something that I have been wanting to do for a long time.  I started a homemakers co-op.  I am so excited and I think that the ladies that attended are excited too.  We started our little group talking about couponing and will probably spend the next meeting discussing it also since some couldn't be here that wanted to be.

This is what we decided:
--Couponing takes a little bit of your time.  Not sixty hours a week but as much time as you want to put in it.  And you probably won't save ninety percent every time you shop.  Let's face it, we all don't have that kind of time in our weeks and this is real life.  But if I can save thirty percent then I have saved something and it is worth it me. 
--Stockpiling is important.  It is important because of two reasons:  you may not have the money next month to buy it and if you have extra you can share.

We are going to discuss as many aspects as we can come up with about being a wife, a mom and a woman.  We are going to shine a light on the way that we are tearing our own houses down and replace that with a strong stone foundation.  I'll keep you posted on our progress.