I am recovering from that exact thing right now. Since early fall I have been so overwhelmed with something that slowly it has come to that place mentioned above. I'm not sure that anyone would have noticed because it crept up on me so slowly.
I prayed that God would fix the situation. That he would change the person. Guide them in the right direction. Then walk away and worry myself sick because I didn't see any change. Or maybe I would see some change but only to be knocked back down by something else or someone else about the situation.
Isn't it funny, how even if you've been saved for a really long time how the enemy can creep in and have you just where he wants you.
I quit praying about it because that person wasn't changing so I figured it was a waste of my time...Right where he (the enemy wanted me.) PRAYING IS NEVER A WASTE OF TIME!!!
Of course, I wouldn't talk to anyone about it because it was my fault anyway, right. If I would have done things differently then this wouldn't even be an issue. Everything would be perfect, just like everyone else's life. Another great place for the enemy to attack. WE NEED EACH OTHER!!!
I decided Saturday evening that the only way to clear my mind and have peace, even it was for just an hour, was to drink a really big glass of wine. I know better than to run to alcohol for that. I was at a place that I felt God wasn't enough anymore. The perfect place for the enemy. GOD IS ALWAYS ENOUGH, MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!
I didn't want to go church the next morning. Why go when I am just going through the motions anyway. It's a waste of time. God obviously wasn't going to take care of this problem and it is so overwhelming to me that I would rather just sleep a little longer. But because I wasn't telling anybody, not even Scott, I had to get up and put on my smile and head out the door.
God had a plan.
I was going through the motions during praise and worship and then suddenly I felt the need to go down front and lay something down. Pride doesn't like it when you need to go down front without and alter call and I really didn't even know how to pray at this point.
God had a plan.
Behind me sat one of my best friends who also has a gift of discernment like I've never witnessed before. I asked her to come and pray with me. For two reasons. I was fighting a battle inside that I wasn't going to win on my own and I didn't want to be alone down there in front of everyone.
God had a plan.
After what seemed forever and some crying like I haven't done in a very long time and some spiritual warfare, it lifted. It was the sweetest, most overwhelming sense of peace that can only come from God. He read my heart and I knew He was speaking to me because even she didn't know what was going on but her prayer was exact and right on, even saying things that I had only said to myself earlier that morning.
God had a plan.
Turns out it was me who needed to change. No, the situation hasn't changed by my approach has. Now maybe God can work since I am out of the way.
Tuesday morning I woke up with verse on my mind.
Matthew 11:28-30
28“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. 30“For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”I have to keep praying those thoughts away. Sometimes more than a couple times a day. But I keep giving those back and filling them with this verse. They will stop coming up eventually because I refuse to let Satan have that area again. We carry these burdens that we weren't meant to carry. They belong at the foot of the Cross. We need prayer, and each other and most importantly, we need God.
Is there something that you need to lay down today? Is there something that you need to let go and let God? Pray and let it go.
Until next time, stay blessed.
Tracey, thanks for being so transparent. We all have our vices, our things we run to when we feel God isn't enough (and I know I have run to them in quite the same way!) Be it alcohol, internet addiction, shopping...it's all an issue as we put it before God. But isn't God so great that He loves us through our sins, our pity parties, our complacency, and reaches us out of the pit and drags us out?? That's what He did for you, then He gave you a verse to hang on to because He knew Satan would try to condemn and attack. Keep holding onto the peace that only He can give! Keep this verse in your heart!! Keep leaning on your friends, because you are right, we NEED eachother!!! Praying for you friend!! God is your strength! :)
ReplyDeleteThat was such an inspiring post, Tracey. Thanks for your honesty.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to what you were feeling. I went through something similar several months ago, and I felt like there was no hope for seeing change. I felt despair (which doesn't seem to begin to describe the pain).
One Sunday morning, after journaling for an hour about the situation and begging God to give me some relief, I went to church. Pastor Skip spoke that morning and God visited me in my pew. It was amazing.
Shortly after that, God opened a door for me to minister to another woman going through something similar (and I'm still mentoring her).
You are not alone, and someone else needs to hear some hope and encouragement. Be ready for God to use you through this!
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God," (2 Cor 1:3-4).
I just wrote that exact scripture in my journal the other day. I decided to follow Selena's advice and pray for one word for this year, instead of a list of resolutions. My word? REST. Not just physical rest, but God has been revealing to me that I need to lay things down, stop carrying such heavy burdens after I pray for something. I need to trust Him to take care of things even when I don't see things change in the natural world.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! Wow! Looks like we are all in this together ladies, we can comfort one another!
Tracey, I think your bravery just opened some floodgates!