Outside Expectations

What to do when expectations from the outside aren't met?  I don't know.  

I know that I put a lot of condemnation on myself... but that's not the answer.

I hide in my house up on the hill and don't speak to anyone about the things my boys struggle with so I am not judged...but that's not the answer.

I tell my kids unfriend any adult they have on facebook so no one can judge them...but that's not the answer.

I try to change what we expect from them to match the unrealistic expectations of those that "aren't there yet" in their parenting...but that really isn't the answer.

So I've tried several things and nothing works, but it sure wears me out.  What has worked for me is to let my  boys know what we expect of them.  How we expect them to act.  What are moral beliefs are.  And as hard as it is, ignore what those on the outside think or say.  The Holy Spirit speaks to us too, we aren't floating in an abyss blindly.  I may sound a little bitter and maybe I am.  But it is hard to receive advice from someone who doesn't even have teens and thinks they will do it better.  There comes a point when our kids have to make decisions for themselves in order to mature.  And yes, sometimes they will make really bad choices.  Sometimes they don't think through what the outcome will be because they see it is as something .    That is just part of maturing.

One are we struggle with is letting our boys have girlfriends.  Maybe I should rephrase that...our boys decided they wanted to have girlfriends instead of the whole courting thing.  At first I was worried to death because of the backlash.  Yes, they hold hands.  Yes, they kiss their girlfriends.  Yes, they go places alone.  That doesn't mean they are having sex.  Just because I did it when I was young doesn't mean they will.  They have more information. They are healthy young men and they know how behave themselves.  Will they slip up?  I don't know but I am not going to stop them from dating.

I have heard the argument that dating and breaking up makes getting a divorce easier.  I disagree with that.  I had several boyfriends and I still had to endure a divorce and it wasn't easy at all.  I did everything I could to keep that marriage together.  So dating did not harden my heart to the emotions of others.  (And if you are wondering, I am the one that filed for divorce, so I did the breaking up.)

Anyway, sorry to be on my soapbox for so long.  I just think that we need to be sensitive to the parenting of others.  Not everyone is going to do things the way we do.  Even people that run in our same circles.  God didn't create us to do things the same way, that would be pretty boring.  Each person has their own purpose and it takes different things to get them there.  We need to not worry about what others say and think about our parenting as long as we are putting it in God's very capable hands to let us know where we need to change.  If our kids mess up and mess up royally, it isn't always because we were bad parents.  They have a free will just like us.  They aren't perfect, just like us.  So if my boys do something that you don't agree with, please don't judge my parenting and don't judge them.  They are trying to make it in this ugly world just like the rest of us.

Until next time, stay blessed.

Check out what these gals have to say about relationships.


Audrey blogs at Everything Beautiful



Charli blogs at WV Urban Hippie



Kathleen blogs at Positive Adoption  



Amerey blogs at Grace So Beautiful 

Play Dates

No this isn't about the importance of scheduling play dates for your teens.  They are old enough to do that themselves.  This is the importance of continuing the play dates for yourself.

When my boys were young most of my friends at that time had only girls.  It was okay because they all played together and had a blast while we talked and drank coffee and had our time with adults.  And if you have younger kids you know what I mean about adult time.  Years later our kids concluded that boys and girls don't play together because the other is gross and has cooties.  So we, the adults, kinda quit hanging out.  And once the boys got old enough to drive and do the things they wanted to do, I went into hibernation.  Not because I was depressed but because I had lost some of my connections.

It seems that we hang out with people because our kids have something in common and then we realize that we have something in common other than our children, maybe a hobby or something like that, then when our kids go their separate ways we part too.  How sad.  I miss some of those old friends and recently we have been reconnecting.  It is nice to pick up where you left off.  Don't get me wrong,  I have other friends that I do things with on a regular basis.  Really, my social life is awesome.  My point is, don't disconnect because your kids have.  You need someone to be accountable to.  Another mom who may be going through the same things you are.  If you stay locked up in your own world, Satan can have a hay day with your mind and before you know it you are depressed and feel unloved and all those other negative feelings.  You are not alone, you are never alone.  First off, Jesus is always right there beside you, you have the Holy Spirit living in you and God, your Father, sitting on the throne.  Secondly, there is nothing that you are or will be going through that someone else hasn't.  So reach out, be accountable, be transparent.  I know it's scary, but it feels pretty good to know that you don't have to fight alone.

Until next time, stay blessed.

Check out what these gals have to say about relationships.


Audrey blogs at Everything Beautiful



Charli blogs at WV Urban Hippie



Kathleen blogs at Positive Adoption  



Amerey blogs at Grace So Beautiful 

Tents, 4-Wheelers and Video Games

Charli had posted the other day about the importance of learning to like what interests your kids.  And I know her pain when it comes to liking the things of boys.  I remember watching every dinosaur movie around when my boys were younger.  Then we grew into Batman, Spiderman and the Hulk.  At least the stuff they like has action in it.  I like action movies.  I prefer chic flicks but...

I remember when one of them said I should play the SIMS video game and so they would think I was cool, I played and 2 days later decided I should clean my house and take care of my "real" family.  If you have never played that game, don't.  It is so addictive!  Of course, a yearly Mario Cart tournament is needed.  And definitely Just Dance.  I have learned that each of my boys has a different video game like and dislike and I have to learn to like them all.

Then we got them 4-Wheelers.  I don't like to watch them ride them so we recently brought down my father-in-laws dozer and made a serious track through our property.  They have jumps and hill climbs and all those other things that make a mother cringe, but they love it and Scott and I have even enjoyed it.  I think it will be great summer for all of us.  The neighbors may not like it but, oh well.

I have even found that tent camping is soooo relaxing.  I love the smell of a bonfire and smores and cooking over open flame.  Fortunately we usually camp with my inlaws and they have a camper, so I don't have to give up all the luxuries (bathroom, running water, you know all the things a girl needs).

All that being said to say this.  I have the rest of my life to pursue what interests me.  I only have a few years to enjoy the time I have with my boys.  I want to take advantage of every minute making memories.

Until next time, stay blessed.

Check out what these gals have to say about relationships.


Audrey blogs at Everything Beautiful



Charli blogs at WV Urban Hippie



Kathleen blogs at Positive Adoption  



Amerey blogs at Grace So Beautiful 

Do As I Do, Not As I Did

My worst fear is that my boys will make the same mistakes I did.  Now that is my flesh screaming.  Yes, I know that they are saved and that I need to rely on God's grace, mercy and forgiveness for them.  And I know that I can not shelter them from all the world has to offer.

Growing up, I was the teen that wanted to know "why".  It wasn't good enough for me not to do something because  "that's what God wants or that's what the bible says".  Don't get me wrong, I became a christian very young and really wanted to please God but I also wanted to know the consequences of the "do nots".  And because my parents didn't tell me what the consequences were I decided to find out on my own.  Thus the reason I am very transparent with my boys.  They know that I broke the "rules" when I was growing up.  They know that I smoked in the boys room, and partied when the opportunity presented itself and was promiscuous.  Of course they don't know the gory details of some things because it is private and isn't something that you discuss with your teen son.  There are things also that wouldn't pertain to them but given the chance to help a young girl by telling my story, I will gladly do it.  We don't make mistakes and bring them under the blood and walk through the consequences to the other side just to keep things to ourselves.  We have to share God's mercy and grace and forgiveness.  We can't walk around like we have lived a perfect life and are still perfect.  We have no credibility if we do that and our kids aren't going to want to listen to us if they don't think they can live up to our expectations.  I have been very clear on the "whys" and the "why nots".  Do I think they wont try to figure it out on their own?  No, I know they will.  But at least they know that they can be forgiven and that they can talk to me or Scott if they need to.  I read somewhere the other day that we need to show our kids grace and not shame.  I like that.  God doesn't show us shame, He is full of grace and we should reflect that.  Sometimes I know I don't reflect it enough.

So that being said.  Do as I do, not as I did is my prayer for my boys.
I do....
Love Jesus with all my heart.
Want to serve others, even when it hurts.
Show kindness and love to those that aren't kind and loving.
Want to be a friend.

Until next time, stay blessed.

Check out what these gals have to say about relationships.


Audrey blogs at Everything Beautiful



Charli blogs at WV Urban Hippie



Kathleen blogs at Positive Adoption  


 
Amerey blogs at Grace So Beautiful 

Relationships with Great-grandparents

This was a little off what I planned to talk about but it came up today.  My grandparents stopped by for a visit today.   They live about 5 hours away so we don't get to spend a lot of time with them.  I was fortunate enough to grow up with my great-grandparents and I am so glad that my boys have that opportunity also.

Grandparents are a great way for you kids to learn history but great-grandparents...that's a whole different story.  The older my boys get the more they enjoy hearing the stories that they have to tell.  Sometimes they hear the same story more than once but it is good for them.  I enjoy hearing the stories again too.

Anyway, I can't stay and chat long because I have some visiting to do.  If you don't have any older relatives that are living or that are close to you, I would recommend visiting a nursing home and "adopting" a grandparent for your child, especially an older gentleman for your sons.

Until next time, stay blessed.

Check out what these gals have to say about relationships.

 
Audrey blogs at Everything Beautiful 


 
Charli blogs at WV Urban Hippie 


 
Kathleen blogs at Positive Adoption  


 
Amerey blogs at Grace So Beautiful 

Who are you and what have you done with my little boy...

It has happened already twice and I am dreading when it happens the third time.  When he hits about 12 and the hormones start raging and all the sudden my little boy, who wanted to hang out with me and talked to me about everything now is completely shut off and the only word he knows is (shoulders shrugging while speaking this) "umph".  I hate that word!  What happened to "hey mom, wanna take a walk with me" or "do you want to help me clean out my closet".  Now all I get is a shoulder shrug.  I don't remember being like this when I was a teen but then again,  that was a long time ago.

It happened a little when they were younger.  When it was cooler to hang out with dad and work in the yard or on a vehicle or go hunting.  But at least they were with one of us.  Now they are with the phone, texting everyone but not telling me anything about their life.  "Oh no!  They are probably doing something illegal or immoral."  Yes, I over react in my mind.  I should pray but I'm too worried for that.  So I will spend the next several years sending out SOS prayers and worried that my kids are going to rob a bank and smoke weed and get someone pregnant.  I know, a little far fetched, but...

Anyway, it gets better.  It only lasted about 2-3 years and eventually I was "mom" again.  They still had a voice, a bit deeper, but it was still there.  And now they want to hang out with me again, of course now it is toting me around,  "Driving Miss Tracey".  But I know what is going on in their lives again and the things they struggle with and the dirt on all their friends and even stuff I would rather not know.

I don't want to do this again, but I know I have to go through it with Seth and it is just around the corner.  He is my baby and it will be the hardest, but I will survive.  I have so far anyway...

Check out what these gals have to say about relationships.

 
Audrey blogs at Everything Beautiful 


 
Charli blogs at WV Urban Hippie 


 
Kathleen blogs at Positive Adoption 





Amerey blogs at Grace So Beautiful 

10 Days of Relationships with other Blog Buddies

Me and few of my blogging buddies are doing a 10 day series on relationships.  Stay tuned because there will be something for everyone.  Just click on their link below and see what they are talking about.  I will be talking about life with teens, especially boys, because I don't have any girls.  I am not an expert in any way, but I will talk about what works for us and what we do and what we struggle with.

I have three boys.  Tyler (18), Brody (almost 16), and Seth (almost 12).  I wouldn't trade them for the world or even for a little girl.  I always thought I would have at least one daughter but God decided otherwise and I am thankful that He knows what he's doing.  We have home schooled all of them since they were old enough to start school and now my oldest is starting college in the fall.  I guess the saying is true that time flies when your having fun.  No, it hasn't always been a party but I am learning to enjoy every season.

We will dive into some of those seasons and the season I am in right now, so stay tuned.

Until next time, stay blessed.



Audrey blogs at Everything Beautiful



Charli blogs at WV Urban Hippie



Kathleen blogs at Positive Adoption